So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
