I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My ass is underappreciated
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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