Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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