I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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