Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
