i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
