I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
