she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
