We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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