You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i now understand why vodka
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
