dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
