a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
