he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
