I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
