So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
