There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
