is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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