I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
