I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize