Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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