I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she peed on how many people?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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