My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
is it fun? or sober?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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