how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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