You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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