i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
