I heard we made out
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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