Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
