i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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