I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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