I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
