I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
