I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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