Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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