You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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