I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
