saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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