Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
