my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
pop tarts are not kleenex
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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