You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
