mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize