Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
