Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
