happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
