Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
