My room smells like vodka and shame
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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