it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize