Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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