Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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