we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
