I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
