What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
