Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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