He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
