Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
