I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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