Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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