i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
