mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
