you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
