I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
