Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
