Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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