who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
