The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize