You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
