Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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